Almost 2!

So far I’m not doing well at keeping up with the blog! So many cute things and new things she’s done that I haven’t blogged. Going to just do a bunch of blurbs in this post. Can’t believe she’s almost 2 already.

Brushing her teeth:
She loves brushing her teeth, but we’ve still not got the hang of rinsing. But she has learned to spit. And to rinse her toothbrush in the toilet. <sigh> Need stock in toothbrush company. But I decided to practice the whole rinse and swallow in the bathtub with a cup. I found out exactly what she learned from my attempting to train her: how to make the face. I watched her drink the water, screw her face up into the oddest expression and spit. Not the water, she swallowed that. She just spits. <shakes head>

She talks. A lot!
At school the teachers have overheard her say “Nathan, sit down please.” I’ve heard her tell other kids “No running.” So three word, even four word sentences aren’t abnormal. She knows everyone’s name at school, she knows their moms. Always copying new words. But a couple of days ago she told me “I don’t want that.” Blew me away. When did she grasp the concept of “I”?

Panty experiment
Mind you, she’s been telling me pee-pee for like 5 months. Seriously. She can come tell me she has to go, or needs to be changed. She wipes. She can go all night and wake up dry. She can take her pants on and off. She’s ready right? Except no matter how frequently she sits on her potty it’s not until she gets off that she pees. On the floor, or her bed. So, I thought maybe if she had panties, she’d get wet and think ooh that’s what it is. I should go potty. Nope. 3 pairs of underwear 2 hours later, we went back to diapers. She’ll do it when she’s ready. But she seems so ready dang it! Oh well.

And by the way, she can count, but we haven’t figured out the showing she’s 2 with her fingers yet. But she does know her name. Ask her. She’s ‘Lena. Not sure if that’s gonna stick or not. We’ll see.

November 8th is just around the corner! We just have to get through Halloween first.

Daredevil in the making

There was awe on her face as she looked up at the spinning wheel high in the air. Because it was just the two of us, I had no way to capture the look on her face, but the excitement was evident. She’d already expressed her delight at the rides, evidently she’s a speed lover. But now, before the super-high ferris wheel, she was captured.

As I pushed the stroller over the various obstacles, she would point out the “dogs” hanging in the game booths. She spotted food vendors, and a beautiful fairy like wreath (I can make one for you if you like) that I spent $2 on, people, games, but she was fine with moving by. Every so often we’d stop so she could watch, but that was me stopping, not her request. Then, the ferris wheel. The “oooooh”, the bouncing, the excitement. This ride had her attention and we had to stop. We also could not leave.

Of course it was slowing down as we got there. Doors opening, passengers clambering out while others climbed on board. I tried to move us on but was firmly told “no”. She wanted to stay and watch. So we watched. And waited. As the ride slowly filled back up. Then it started it’s slow acceleration. Her eyes watched the revolution, her hand pointed to the very top of the wheel, where it brushed the sky. The height is what impressed her.

Finally, I’d had enough of watching this wheel spinning round and round. I did look at the sign, because there were toddlers getting off the ride with parents. I knew that next year, if we come back to the fair, she’ll insist on that ride. Maybe I’ll avoid it all completely. I don’t DO heights. But it appears she’s a daredevil with no fears. She loved the tall slide at the Bounce U. I managed 2 trips. Barely. She likes the tallest slides, she swings happily on monkey bars. She dares. I don’t. But I will. But not today.

Day 2 of Big Girl’s Bed

Did I tell you I’m old? And forgetful? I probably forgot to. It’s been 18 years since I last had to deal with moving out of a crib to a regular bed. Which is a story all its own for another time. I can’t remember when you’re supposed to make that big transition. She doesn’t fall out of my bed. Often. And to be honest, my bed is a LOT higher than the double bunk bed bottom in her room. If she falls out of her big bed, she might wake up, but she won’t get hurt.

So I’ve been working on this transition. First we tried nap time. It was a novelty at first, then she decided she wanted to nap in her crib. Okay, try again. This time, not only did she lay in the big bed, she slept in the big bed. When nap time was over, she came on out. No fuss, no muss. Nice. Still wasn’t interested in big bed to go to sleep in at night. She was quite happy to bang on my door and point, clearly indicating her plans to sleep in MY bed.

Finally I just put her to bed one night in her bed. Covered her up, showed her that her water cup was right by her bed. Doll doll tucked in by her side, night light on, kisses. Then I held my breath. Some crying, reassurance. Some of the okay if you want to cry, I’ll close the door so you can have your tantrum alone (we’ve gone through that one before a LOT). Soon after, sleep. She woke up once and I went in and recovered her, and she went back to sleep.

Tonight is day two of this. Lot more fuss and muss. Crying. Now, as I write this, after one closing of the door, a second tuck in and admonishment to go to sleep, I am not hearing anything. Maybe I’ll be getting rid of the crib soon. Good thing, because they way she jumps on it I’m sure it’s going to break any day now.

To my daughter

As your daughter’s birthday gets closer, I’m reminded how much it took to get her here. Two years ago we were beginning the process of keeping her in the womb a little bit longer. Visits with your doctor, trips to the hospital, shots, to finally a sleep over for two weeks while you struggled to hold her in for just one more day. I remember the family coming to see you, visiting your hospital room instead of showing up for a baby shower. I remember how you shivered with cold, and how kind the nurses were bringing you heated blankets to break the chill the magnesium gave you.

It was hard watching you lie there and know I could do nothing. This was your path to walk. I can’t imagine how hard it was to be in that bed as the date of your son’s birth and death came and went, uncelebrated. Most of the day you had to be alone with your thoughts, because I had no choice but to work. And you were only 16. So much heartache already.

I could talk about all the things I’ve gone through, compare my convulted steps to yours. But this is not about that, this is about me, telling you how I feel. My heart hurts for you darling. And though our friendship is broken, the love remains. I can not fix your life, or take away this brokeness from you, though I wish I could. I would take it all from you, but it’s not possible.

I seem angry often I know, but it’s not at you. It’s at how much you’ve lost, how much we’ve lost. It’s anger at the fact that I’ve lost a daughter and seem incapable of forging a new relationship from the old. Alright, truth be told I AM angry at you. Angry that you still have not made your path easier. I see nothing but more tears and bad memories ahead for you. I’m angry that our family has changed. Even angry sometimes that my life has completely changed. But I am thankful too.

You are my daughter, my precious love. Nothing will change that. I hoard the sweet memories of your baby smell, dancing to songs only you could hear, the childish giggles and teenage laughs. You are forever in my heart and no one can take your place. I am ever here for you in my heart. The future may make it impossible to be there physically, but I will never let you go.

Thank you for your daughter, for in her I see so much of you. She is very much her mother’s daughter.

May your path become smooth, the world around you sweeter, the life you live full of only good choices. Thank you for all that you have given me. I will strive to remember that and to make my love for you more apparent.

Be well, be safe, be loved my daughter. My first and most precious child.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

Finally we had a rainy day. I’ve been looking forward to taking her out in the rain since I found the ladybug raincoat and boots. She’s too big for them now, but I did get to take her out. In her diaper and sneakers we headed out to feel the sprinkles on our skin. While we were out she didn’t seem all that excited. The drops were small, little sprinkles against her arms and hand, not much to see. After we went inside she turned to me and said “water?” pointing out to the sky. I explained that the water from the sky was called rain and showed her she could watch from the window. She was temporarily fascinated with the “water” as it began to pound down. With the window open she kept her hand on the screen feeling the water blown in by the wind. I look forward to the winter and puddle jumping!

October 4th, 2008

1-2-3’s

Grapes! She loves grapes. But she loves to take them off the stems and play with them as much as she does eat them. I could hear her talking and a bit curious about what she was talking about, I turned to watch. She was saying “one”, “two”, “three”, over and over. But, she was moving the grapes as she said it. Like she was counting them. I’ve been working on getting her to say two by the time she’s two. And get the finger part down. But nope, she’s counting. So we’ll have to sit down and incorporate more counting play into our day. Have to find some good things to count: like grapes and cheerios!

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

25 words or less connect us

My hair, mama’s eyebrows, grandma’s face. Little girl laughs, draws smiles, touches hearts. Share your love, grow beautiful, change the world.